Hello, Saturday readers!

This is my last Saturday Night Social! I cannot believe it! Anyway, if you haven't already, follow me on Twitter so I can tell you magnificent things every single day of the week. Plus, everyone knows Twitter = we shall never be parted.

And with that, I leave you with this little charmer to listen to while you spill your lungs.

NAPIER, NEW ZEALAND - JANUARY 28: BJ Watling of New Zealand makes his ground during day three of the test match between New Zealand and Zimbabwe at McLean Park on January 28, 2012 in Napier, New Zealand. (Photo by Hagen Hopkins/Getty Images)

After a grand and glorious year at Jezebel, today marks my last day with all of you.

I want to thank you all for indulging and reveling in my geek girl affection, hopefully enjoying all of my "I can't wait to share this song with you!" Saturday Night Social posts, and for your willingness to share your personal stories —some happy, some sad, some a mixture of both— with me. I absolutely loved each and every one of them.

I'd like to tell you about all of the exciting things I'll be doing soon but I'm not sure where to begin!

Because of this, I would absolutely love it if you'd follow me on Twitter, as that's where I'll announce any news regarding stand-up shows, my upcoming web series, and other things I'm writing, such as future issues of my comic book, Smarty Pants, that you can/should read and hopefully lose your shit over.

In short, I'm a very busy bee, Jezzies, but you're never very far from my thoughts.

In "Songs I Discovered When I Went To Get A Haircut Two Weeks Ago And Not A Moment Sooner" news, Nicolas Cage has decided to add a little Nicolas Cage flair to that LMFAO song by turning it into a dramatic reading of sorts.

Also, am I the only one who thinks Cage sounds like he's doing a loose impression of The Dude from Big Lebowski?

BARCELONA, SPAIN - JANUARY 27: A model walks the runway during the Desigual catwalk show as part of the 080 Barcelona Fashion week on January 27, 2012 in Barcelona, Spain. (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)

Despite the fact that the film has already earned $167 million worldwide, India says The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is "unsuitable for public viewing."

This decision was made after David Fincher refused to make any edits to his R-rated film, you know like removing the sexual violence and inserting scenes of bunnies hopping through a lush field because really, how hard would that be???

In a statement to THR, Sony said:

"Sony Pictures will not be releasing The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in India. The Censor Board has adjudged the film unsuitable for public viewing in its unaltered form and, while we are committed to maintaining and protecting the vision of the director, we will, as always, respect the guidelines set by the Board."

Despite this news, the movie is still nearing $100 million domestically and is expected to earn over $200 million globally by the end of its theatrical run. Plus, Sony is already set to adapt "The Girl Who Played With Fire," so we can all look forward to seeing which countries feel like banning that one, too.

I'm not gonna lie. There are a lot of great things about this video but my vote for the most entertaining aspect goes to the little boy. His mixture of confusion, anxiety, and cautious enthusiasm were enough to keep me intrigued throughout the whole...well, most of the almost five minutes. This is 2012 and my attention span has never been shorter.

PORTSMOUTH, ENGLAND - JANUARY 27: Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall presents medals to service personnel on Whale Island on January 27, 2012 in Portsmouth, England. The Duchess, who is Commodore in Chief of Royal Naval Medical Services, was presenting the service medals to medical personnel for service in Afghanistan. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

Katy Perry and her "see? I've moved on!" blue hair/metal-laced outfit strolled down the red carpet for the first time since her split from Russell Brand at an event for Givelove.org, which provides sustainable low-income solutions Haiti earthquake victims.

In case you're worried about her ability to walk down things alone, Markus Molinari, a designer for J. Molinari Jewelry, told People that Perry was doing "amazing" and she was in town to support his cause because "that's what friends do." Perry even hung out in a VIP booth and "watched her protégé Ferras perform."

"She was really tame," a source said. "She was really just drinking a few drinks and chilling with her friends."

AND just earlier that day, Perry "joined a table of 18 and dining on steak, seafood and red wine and listening to another performance by Ferras on the piano. Perry was seen clapping, cheering and swinging a napkin the air." So she's probably fine...OR IS SHE?

Shailene Woodley and Viola Davis will be presenting at the SAG Awards. [ONTD]

People are pretty upset by rumors that Demi Lovato's "team" may be pretending to be her on Twitter while she recovers. [ONTD]

Lady Gaga's new single will be Heavy Metal Lover. [ONTD]

Renee Graziano was rushed to a hospital yesterday just hours after feds busted her family members. Then, "Renee had a panic attack, collapsed, and had trouble breathing when she got news that her dad, Anthony "TG" Graziano, had been arrested in an early morning raid." She is currently receiving treatment and hopefully recovering. [TMZ]

"I feel like all the records on the radio right now have a homogenized quality to them. I've made a huge effort to try and not sound like everybody else. The music that I've done with William (Orbit) is quite introspective, whereas Martin (Solveig)'s is more ironic and funny and upbeat. There's a really up aspect to it and a really fun aspect to it. I don't like to repeat myself. I'm a curious person who's interested in learning, and I like to take the road less traveled by. That's just my nature, so perhaps that leads me to subject matter or controversial or subversive waters. I don't know. It's not something that's intentional. I'm not calculating being subversive or trying to be ahead of people. I just work on things that interest me." —Madonna [ONTD]

"I spent most of the reunion, unfortunately, in defense mode. I find it really difficult. It's quite hard when you go through a show and you're kind of in your own world, which I was very much, I was having fun and working really hard… But, when you see things aired and you see things being said, it's kind of upsetting. So, I felt I was in defense mode for a lot of it." —Lisa Vanderpump of Real Housewives. [ONTD]

Hi, Saturday readers!

Have any delightful plans for this evening? If you don't and even if you do, be sure to hang out and watch this little clip while you tell your fellow commenters anything your little heart desires and I'll see you all next week!

GLOUCESTER, ENGLAND - JANUARY 20: Jonny May (R) of Gloucester breaks clear to score the decisive try during the Gloucester v Toulouse Heineken Cup Pool Six match at Kingsholm Stadium on January 20, 2012 in Gloucester, England. (Photo by Michael Steele/Getty Images)

We may have a bit of good news regarding the seemingly never-ending case of 'Virginia vs. Homosexuals Adopting Babies Who Need Good Families, Gay Or Straight'.

Although Virginia's Board of Social Services voted to continue a policy that allows faith-based groups and adoption agencies to screen prospective parents on religious or moral beliefs back in April of last year, Senator Adam Ebbin has recently introduced legislation "which would not allow Virginia to fund or contract adoption agencies who discriminate against prospective parents on the basis of ‘race, religion, national origin, sex, age, family status, disability, sexual orientation or gender identity.'"

Virginia currently allows married couples and single people to adopt or become foster parents, regardless of their sexual orientation, but prohibits unmarried couples - gay or straight - from doing so. The problem is, gay marriage is still illegal in Virginia, so this seems to be much more of an issue with the LGBT community than anything else.

Hopefully, this legislation will be the David in a David and Goliath situation and we can all move on to more pressing matters, like literally anything but this.

Virginia Gay Adoption Debate Heats Up With New Legislation Proposal

Planning a wedding can be really difficult. You can spend months or years trying to find the right location, figuring out who to invite, how much you can afford, etc. but perhaps the most stressful thing about planning your wedding is finding the perfect g-string wedding dress, am I right everyone ever?

It has to be the kind of wedding dress you can hang in your closet for generations upon generations to gaze longingly at, hoping that they too will one day have a wedding dress their whole family can be shocked and confused by. The kind of dress that will make your parents wonder if you joined a cult or are about to star in some kind of George Michael video.

Well, seek no more, weary hunters. Your dream dress is alive and well. In Berlin. Oooof course.

The G-String Wedding Dress

GALWAY, IRELAND - JANUARY 20: Dejected Harlequins players look dejected as they walk off after losing the Heineken Cup match between Connacht and Harlequins at Sportsground on January 20, 2012 in Galway, Ireland. (Photo by Ian Walton/Getty Images)

It's hard to tell if Michael Alone is a McDonald's knockoff or just a poor translation, but either way, these butchered brands are right up my "you couldn't think of a more original name?" alley.

Click through the link to see 20+ more of these tragically entertaining failures.

Rick Santorum was recently asked how he would react if his daughter were raped. This was his answer:

"I would do what every father must do. Counsel your daughter to do the right thing. You can make the argument that if she doesn't have this baby, if she kills her child, that too could ruin her life. This is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that son or daughter was created, it still is her child."

Let's all collectively pray for Rick Santorum's daughter, shall we? Even the atheists and agnostics among us. Pray to someone, anyone/anything. I think it's worth making an exception for the daughter of a man who seems both incredibly sure he knows what it would feel like to be pregnant with your rapist's child and equally sure that abortion is a sure-fire life-ruiner.

BERLIN, GERMANY - JANUARY 20: A model walks the runway at the Michalsky Autumn/Winter 2012 fashion show during Michalsky StyleNite at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Berlin at Tempodrom on January 20, 2012 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)

Elizabeth Smart, the woman who was kidnapped from her home in 2002 at age 14, is now engaged and trying to keep it fairly under wraps — well, as under wraps as possible given that the ABC News contributor is crazy famous and everyone wants to know about it and her family and reps keep talking about it.

Her father says, "We're very excited for her. She told us at home last Saturday. I wasn't really surprised. They've been very happy together. We're just thrilled. We're looking forward to her moving on to this next stage and leading a very happy life."

At the very least, Smart is keeping the name of her fiance a secret, as she "feels very strongly about that right now."

Despite all of this talk of privacy, Smart's rep also reveals, "I know they're looking at a summer wedding. They're still in the process of planning the wedding, and there are a lot of details to still be worked out. She's going to be very public in her child advocacy work, but has decided she wants to keep her personal life private."

And in sad/unbelievable marriage news, TMZ says Heidi Klum is filing for divorce from Seal!!!! SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? I have no words. [TMZ]

UPDATE: The day before the split was announced, Seal wrote "THE END" on Twitter. Again, no words have I.

"I put up lights for Christmas and I love them - they're jovial and they make me happy - and so I leave them up all year. It's the mountains. Who cares? They didn't like that so much. They asked me to turn them off in January… So I took ‘em off in July." —Katherine Heigl. [ONTD]

"I've been scalped for my new film and I've had the most heinous hair cut you have ever seen. You'll see it in a cinema next year." —Jude Law. [Express]

Jude ought to take some comfort in the hefty settlement he received after being the victim of a phone hacking scandal: "For several years leading up to 2006, I was suspicious about how information concerning my private life was coming out in the press. I changed my phones, I had my house swept for bugs but still the information kept being published. I started to become distrustful of people close to me. I hope this means that they will never invade my privacy again. They have also finally given a proper apology." [Justjared]

Tom Cruise is all about his placenta-based facials, yo. [ONTD]

Get your Katy Perry brand eyelashes while they're hot. Options include:

Oh Honey - A flattering full lash, textured for a natural finish but with enough volume to take your lashes from fine to fab!
Oh My - Big and beautiful with a layered effect.
Sweetie Pie - A danty, natural hair lash that will discreetly add length and volume to your own lashes.
Cool Kitty - Gorgeous framing with manicured tips. [CocoPerez]

"I think it's really silly for people to think I'm a heart-throb. The character in Bridesmaids was very sweet, so women loved him. I want to know where all these women were when I was 15 and couldn't get a kiss for love nor money. I chose the wrong year to get engaged." —Chris O'Dowd. [TheSun]

If you're seated, continue to remain that way because it's time for the Saturday Night Live open thread!

Join us as we pray for hilarity from host Daniel Radcliffe and the musical stylings of Lana Del Rey.
Let the games begin!

Hi, Saturday readers!

Have any spectacular plans for this evening? If you don't and even if you do, be sure to join us back here at 11:15pm EST for our SNL live thread!

Also, swing by on Sunday night for our Golden Globes fiesta; coverage starts at 7pm.

Also also, if you're in NYC, you should really come to the premiere of G.L.O.C (Gorgeous Ladies Of Comedy) Live! at The Pit in NYC this Monday night. I'll be performing stand-up along with some incredibly funny women whom you're probably already fans of. Click here for info and such.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet. For now, hang out and listen to this little charmer while you tell your fellow commenters anything your little heart desires and I'll see you all next week!

CHARLOTTE, NC - JANUARY 13: Byron Mullens #22 of the Charlotte Bobcats reacts to a play against the Detroit Pistons during their game at Time Warner Cable Arena on January 13, 2012 in Charlotte, North Carolina. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

PASADENA, CA - JANUARY 13: Director Werner Herzog (L) and Producer Erik Nelson of the television series 'On Death Row' speak during the Discover Networks portion of the 2012 Television Critics Association Press Tour at The Langham Huntington Hotel and Spa on January 13, 2012 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

It's been said by virtually everyone but Madonna herself so I guess it's about time Madonna was asked if she feels Lady Gaga is copying her.

In an interview with Cynthia McFadden, Madonna answered, "I certainly think she references me a lot in her work. Sometimes I think it's amusing and flattering and well-done. Obviously, I've influenced her."

This conversation of course quickly evolved into a slightly passive-aggressive, "It feels reductive....Look it up" series of comments, as if she were trying to tell us, "If you don't know what reductive means or you don't own a dictionary, you may never know that I am insulting Lady Gaga. Mwahahaha."

Just a friendly reminder that we'll be watching Saturday Night Live tonight (with full open thread benefits)! That means you get host Daniel Radcliffe and musical guest Lana Del Rey AND a live thread! All at 11:15pm EST tonight! See you there!

I could've said she posted a video of her son shaking his groove thing to 'Shake Your Groove Thing' but I have to save that kind of genius for later in the day.